Sixth .

Its been a long while since I last blogged . 

School started and went on fine , I made some friends in class though . I must say though , ICB isn't too bad a class . 

Assignments came and went . Currently , still having such assignments and projects . Only left with 2 weeks of school and gosh am I looking forward to holidays !

Just also want to mention that my CCA is skating ! I have successful joined ITE's Skate Club . Hahaha .

Alright , thats all for now . Just a brief update that i'm still alive . 

Cheers people .

Cheryl Alicia Chua .

Fifth (:

I'll be starting school very soon , on the 9th April 2012 . I'm not looking forward to going school because I would have to wake up pretty early every morning just to travel to school which is like 1 and a half hours or more away from home . Argh . All for studying Early Childhood Education man .

Haish . Would I make new friends ? Will I be well-liked in class ? Or would I be the left out one again ? Humph . I also worry about my ability to cope with my school work . How is it going to be like in there ?

Well , all the worrying in the world would not make anything better right ? We'll find out when school starts lorr . All the best barhs ! (:

Currently at work . Printing dcmts , keying in pink slips , tying certificates & listening to youtube . Boring , but well , it gives me the cash that daddy can't so i shouldn't be complaining much right ? Hahaha . Oh well .

Yesterday , Baby bought me new running shoes . He insisted in getting one for me , as he feels that it is essential to have a good pair of shoes to run and jump about in . But to me , a pair of shoes is more or less to cover your feet isn't it ?

I really do not see a problem in jogging my rounds in my banana school shoes . At least , it's not slippers what . But since Baby has gotten them for me , I wouldn't be doing him justice if I don't wear it to jog . And on top of that , I have a bigger reason to stick to my current goal right ? Heehees .

My current goal is to jog weekly . In the months to come , I'll try to jog twice a week . That way , I'll be fitter and I would be able to get my GOLD in my Nafa Test !

I want to be more healthy and less sickly . I must Jiayou ! Wo Xing De ! (:

CherylAliciaChua .

Fourth .

I haven't been blogging for two months right ? Time passes really fast man .

I'm attached again , since the 13th march of the year 2012. I met him when I was 15 and we sort of lost touch soon after . But I contacted him on my birthday for the first time in years, wishing him a happy birthday because we shared the same special day . We met up and went out a couple of times after that . Enjoyed ourselves with each other's company . So .. We decided to give ourselves a chance . Let's see where this chance will lead us to . (:

However , we have a few obstacles in our way . The most major problem to me , would be our age . I'm 18 while he's 30 . We're exactly 12 years apart . Both our families will have things to say . But when I'm with him , he seems more like 24/25 . And he says I'm more like a 21/22 to him . Argh . Not fair right ? Feels so frustrating whenever I think of it .

That's not all . We also can't really announce our relationship out open . Why , you ask ? Oh , because he taught me in secondary school before , for like 2weeks . So we can't really tell the people around us that we're currently together . Nonsense right ? But yet , I totally understand why . People judge . So they will say that he as a teacher is irresponsible and blah blah blah . Whatever man . That's so not true . Haish .

Baby's extremely busy , but it's okay . When my school starts , I'll probably be very busy too . School starts on the 9th April . That's like in 2 weeks . Jiayous barhs . (:

CherylAliciaChua (:

THIRD !

Tim has left me . He broke up with me on the 18th January 2012 .

He says that his love for me is dying . And that he tried relighting the flames many many times at every chance , but failed to do so . I feel so heart broken .

We talked about marriage and kids . We promised each other to walk down this rough road together , hand in hand , working hard and doing our best . We were gonna finish our studies , get a job and save up for our future .

What happened to the promises he gave me ?

I feel so betrayed . I guarded my heart well and he crashed into my life , making me fall in love once again . He made a person who has given up on love , love again .

I gave him my heart , and told him to be careful with what's left of it . He took great care of that fragile dying heart , gave it loads of love and support . Miraculously , that weak and dying heart was nursed back to good health and was able to love again .

The heart trusted and hoped that the care giver was a man of his words and that he would love her always . But she trusted the wrong person again .

Now , he has left . Leaving the well recovered heart back in its first condition when he found it .

The heart is bleeding profusely , with many opened wounds . Surviving is almost impossible , without any care and help .

Every breath hurts and every night is spend in turmoil . All those wonderful memories slowly fade away , no longer within reach .

All the dreams and hopes have been destroyed . Leaving me feeling lost and afraid of loving again .

I'm tired of pretending that it doesn't matter much , when it was everything i lived for .

I wished i could sleep and never wake up again . This way , the pain will never be able to reach me .

Tim is a monster , a beast . To think that i loved you with all my heart and might , and after everything i have done , you left eventually .

Love never lasts . Nothing much really does .

CherylAliciaChua .

Second Post !

Haish . I feel so disappointed and depressed .

I cannot accept his cold attitude towards me . Since he asked for the time out , he didn't text me on his own . No phone calls , nothing . Its really very hurtful to me . I feel as if i mean nothing to him .

Everyday , although i try hard not to show it , i'm waiting in anticipation for a text message . Even when i tell him that i miss him , he shows no emotion .

He no longer loves me right ?

I feel betrayed . I tried so hard to keep our love going . It's not fair , is it ?

I'm so tired of fighting for our chance at love , but yet , i don't want to let go . He was so perfect , what happened ?!

I really don't know what to do , or say anymore . Whatever i say or do , doesn't seem to work at all . I'm really at a lost now . What else can i do ?

Unless , of course , i choose to let go .

CherylAliciaChua .

Number One !

I created this blog as a place for me to let everything i think and feel , flow out . If you read and you do not like anything i say , kindly just leave my page . Thankyou .

So .. Here goes nothing ,

I'm currently working at The Singapore Academy Of Law , and i met someone very nice there . We started talking and exchanging bits of our lives . And as those hours pass , i feel like as if he really understood what i told him .

Soon , i broke down about my boyfriend . I cried and poured my heart out as my new friend sat there and listened . He encouraged me and gave me a little strength to continue my day .

Everyday , i would wait for him to leave the office at about 5 to take his break . And i would join him for a chat . I must admit though , he's a good listening ear .

My boyfriend , Tim . He's neglecting me . Making me feel so alone at times . I try my very best to be understanding . But it's not fair for me , is it ? I need him . We used to be together everyday during our holidays . He started school and left .

His attitude towards me changed drastically . He used to be the sweetest thing i could ever ask for . He loved me , cared for me and always made sure i was doing fine . But ever since he started school , he doesn't care anymore . But when i ask him if he still loves me , the answer is always yes .

Am i such a fool to believe that he still does ?

Sometimes , i still see that love we share but the flame's flicking lightly . The way he looks at me , just isn't the same anymore .

But i know , deep inside , somewhere in my heart , i still feel for him . I still want to believe . But .. how can i do so , when i no longer feel safe and secured ?

I'm having a time out with Tim , He suggested it . Can you imagine ?! I just collected my O levels results for the second time . He didn't say anything on Sunday to encourage me or calm me down . He didn't care about what i was feeling , He didn't think if i could sleep or eat . He didn't do anything at all .

Fine . Maybe he's busy with school and such . I closed one eye and lived my life . And you know what ?! My boyfriend didn't say anything on the night of my results either ! He didn't console me or encourage me at all .

So i kind of blew my top , and told him off . If like he couldn't be bothered about me .

And when i needed him the most , he wanted a time out ! Fine . I gave him the time to think it out and cool down . He says he'll still celebrate my birthday on the 20th of February . But that's not what i want . I just want him back . The real him . The one that i call Baby from the bottom of my heart .

CherylAlicia.